Bonding and Post Partum Depression

[J-Reed]

Shannon, You'll probably bond with Caidy right away. Are you going to breastfeed? You should with those knockers...LOL j/k

Anyways, I didn't really get a good bond with Seven until he was about 4 months old. That's because the first month and a half he was in the hospital, then Philip, Seven, and I were in a car accident that totalled my truck, then Philip and I split up, then I moved up to Michigan because I couldn't afford where I was living, I was dealing with stupidity and drama with his other baby's mama, and after all of that-my hormones were absolutely crazy and I was going through some serious post partum depression.

I didn't admit it, not even to myself - cuz I didn't want to believe it. But in retrospect, that's definitely what it was. So, my bond with Seven didn't come until I was settled in here in Michigan and was spending everyday-all day with him. Even then, it didn't happen right away because I was stressing about looking for a job. I felt horrible. I felt like I was only going through the motions. Doing what I "had" to do or what I "needed" to do, but my heart wasn't in it.

The good news is, that all changed. I don't know when exactly, but by the time I did find a job and I got back to work, I was missing him like crazy and the happiest part of my day became when I go pick him up from my cousins and his face lights up with a smile when I walk in the door. I live for that moment everyday!!! Now, my heart is more than in it. My son IS my heart. He has become the bane of my existance. My reason for living. My entire world.

Now, I feel like my whole life would just end and be pointless if I didn't have him. It's funny how much a little person changes your entire mindset and points of views. I've always heard people say that, but you never truly understand the meaning of "your whole life changes" until you actually go through it. You'll see for yourself soon enough.

So sometimes bonding comes easy, Like with my cousin and her little girl. Right the beginning, she was glowing with happiness and love for her beautiful little girl. She absolutely shined and didn't feel obligated to do anything, she did it all from love right from the start. So, not every mom goes through it and post partum depression is not forever!

Anyone else have a story about bonding with your new child and/or post partum depression???

[Shannon]

Jen, what an awesome post! Thank you for being so open about such a private personal struggle. I think it helps that women discuss things things openly. I fear the bonding part myself. My dreams lately have been pointedly about a lack of bonding with my little girl. In two of them she and Don have their back to me. It's gut wrenching. I'm so protective by nature that I know I'll be a little weirded out when my duty and love are in the forefront. Especially since I have such a fragile heart (as my mother used to secretly say behind my back). And, from what I have read it is normal for the bond to come a little later. the baby takes awhile before it is able to actually give back. Teh first few months it is nothing but feeding and diaper changing and coddling. Then one day you get that smile, and oh my god the day comes when you hear that burst of a giggle. How can your heart not explode. How many months did you wait to see that? You know? When you compare yourself to your cousin, be sure to compare sceanrios. Perhaps your cousin had it a little easier. Maybe she had a lovign relationship with the father, set into a job or was a stay at home mother, didnt have a car accident, didn't have the baby exceptionally early and have to have a heart attack over whether or not the baby would make it. Jen, you did great. Look at you. You're not sitting in some heap nuturing your wounds. You're blossoming!

[Shannon]

sorry about the typos.... But get used to it. My fingers fly and my brain doesn't send the right order. :)

[Shannon]

Oh and might I add you never had a shortage of kncokers either so you stay off my rack! :)